Name-calling... it’s how to be little; Journey to a Junkanoo; Geographabetical ardor; At sea in a midterm? No cribs, use your head! Piston-ringing in the new mysteryear

PUZZLERIA! SLICES: OVER (1098 + 76) SERVED 

Welcome to our December 29th edition of Joseph Young’s Puzzleria! We are doing our best impersonation-of-the-Roman-god-Janus this week, looking ahead to 2018 with one face while looking back on 2017 with another.
On our menus are:
1 ⇩ Appetizer ringing in the new year wirh the Roman alphabet and Roman numerals (ye gods!);
1 ⇩ Appetizer that involves name-calling during the 2017 news cycle;
1 ⇩ Slice inviting you to Ramble and roll Bahamasward to celebrate the Junka“noo year”;
5 ⇩⇩⇩⇩⇩ Riffing Off Shortz Slices for those who love “Geogralphabetery”; and
1 ⇩ crib-notable Dessert.

➤The year 2018 is the product of a pair of primes. Puzzlerians! have always been prime-time puzzle players. We are celebrating the dawn of 2018 with nine new puzzles. Have a lot of fun with them.

Appetizer Menu

My New Year’s Resolution? Recycle More! Appetizer:
Piston-ringing in the new mysteryear

Approxiately four months ere I launched Puzzleria!, I posted the following puzzle in the comments section of the Blainesville blog. The precise time of my post was 12:01 AM CST, January 1, 2014:
Name a synonym of Ella Mae Bailey, in five letters. Replace the second letter with its “Equidistant From The Center Of The Alphabet” (EFTCOTA) counterpart (A = Z, B = Y, C = X, D = W… M = N, see accompanying chart, below), and rotate the counterpart letter 90 degrees (clockwise, counterclockwise, Fahrenheit, Celsius, Centigrade, Kelvin… any way you want!) to form a new letter. 
Now replace all five letters with their respective EFTCOTA counterpart letters. The result is timely, at least here in Minnesota and environs.
Here are two updated versions of that puzzle 
(USE CAPITAL LETTERS):
1. Give a description (consisting of a 4-letter adjective and a 3-letter noun) of a 2005 Maybach Exelero, 1954 Packard Panther-Daytona Roadster or 1957 Jaguar XKSS. 
Replace the second letters in both words with their “Equidistant From The Center Of The Alphabet” (EFTCOTA) counterparts (A = Z, B = Y, C = X, D = W… M = N, see accompanying chart, above), and rotate those two counterpart letters 90 degrees (clockwise or counterclockwise) to form two new letters. 
Now replace all seven of these letters with their respective EFTCOTA counterpart letters and rearrange them to form a result timely to the season. What is this result?
2. Give a title for Richard Petty, Dale Earnhardt, A.J. Foyt or Mario Andretti (but not Shirley Muldowney or Danica Patrick), a 2-letter abbreviation and a 5-letter noun. 
Replace the second letter in the noun with its “Equidistant From The Center Of The Alphabet” (EFTCOTA) counterpart (A = Z, B = Y, C = X, D = W… M = N, see accompanying chart, above), and rotate that counterpart letter 90 degrees (clockwise or counterclockwise) to form a new letter. 
Now replace this new letter and all but the first letter in the abbreviaton with their respective EFTCOTA counterpart letters. Rearrange the seven letters now in front of you to form a result timely to the season. What is this result?

Name In The News Year Appetizer:
Name-calling... it’s how to be little

Think of a person who has been in the news in 2017, first and last names. 
Replace a vowel in the name with a different vowel. 
Rearrange some of the letters to form a belittling name the person was called in 2017. 
The remaining letters can be arranged to form five consecutive letters in the alphabet. 
Who is this person?  

MENU

Rollin’ ‘N’ Ramblin’ Slice:
Journey to a Junkanoo


(Note/disclaimer: The following puzzle takes a liberty or two with the facts and with the maps.)
A resident of nassau, new providence, in the bahamas named umprey is invited by his girlfriend maronique to a junkanoo carnival and festival in her hometown of dolu. 
Although dolu is a very small village near the southern coast of the island, doluians host a very festive and popular junkanoo parade every january 1st.

So, umprey hops into his 1955 nash rambler custom sedan and drives south out of nassau on blue hill road. After making two wrong turns and negotiating a detour, he turns right at cowpen road, then hangs a left at the junction with carmichael road. 
Before long, as umpry’s rambler reaches the peak of a gentle crest, the outskirts of dolu, new providence, come into view, exactly one kilometer ahead. 
The rambler’s odometer indicates that unprey has traveled 16.0934… kilometers, or exactly ten miles.

umprey’s rambler is equipped with six wheels: a steering wheel and five wheels fitted with dunlop tires, including a spare mounted via a “continental kit” in the rear.

These five non-steering, tire-fitted wheels appear to be identical in size but actually, perhaps because of factory inconsistency or differing air pressures, have diameters that vary slightly: In no particular order, tire A’s diameter is a silly millimeter longer than Tire B’s diameter; B’s is a millimeter longer than C’s; C’s is a millimeter longer than D’s; and D’s is a millimeter longer than F’s. Tire C’s diameter is 651 millimeters (25.63 inches). 
Five miles into his trip, umphrey gets a flat tire and must replace it with the spare.

What is the minimum number of complete rotations of any one of the rambler’s dunlop tires necessary before maronique's hometown comes into view?

Riffing Off Shortz Slices:
Geographabetical ardor

Will Shortz’s December 24th NPR Weekend Edition Sunday puzzle reads:
The name of what well-known U.S. city, in 10 letters, contains only three different letters of the alphabet?

Puzzleria!’s Riffing Off Shortz Slices read:
ONE: 
The name of what well-known U.S. city, in more than nine letters, contains no duplicate letters of the alphabet?
Hint: The city’s name has been a popular place name across the country. It is the largest city. by population, in two states. 

TWO:
The name of what world capital city, in more than nine letters, contains no duplicate letters of the alphabet?

THREE:
The name of what two countries, each with more than nine letters, each contain no duplicate letters of the alphabet?
Hint: The counties share a letter that only 14 other countries have in their names.

FOUR:
The name of what country contains no duplicate letters of the alphabet? This county’s capital city also contains no duplicate letters of the alphabet. The total number of letters in the country and city is 15. What are this capital city and country?
FIVE:
The name of what country contains no duplicate letters of the alphabet? This county’s capital city also contains no duplicate letters of the alphabet. The total number of letters in the country and city is 18. What are this capital city and country?

Dessert Menu

Plastic Spoon In The Teacher’s Mouth Dessert:
At sea in a midterm? No cribs, use your head!

The principal utters a terse command as she hands lesson plans to the substitute teacher, adding that he should fail any student he catches using a crib note during tests. 
The command the principal uttered and the synonym for “crib note” the principal used are two-word phrases in which both first words are anagrams of each other, and both second words are also anagrams of each other. 
What are these two phrases?

Every Friday at Joseph Young’s Puzzleria! we publish a new menu of fresh word puzzles, number puzzles, logic puzzles, puzzles of all varieties and flavors. We cater to cravers of scrumptious puzzles!

Our master chef, Grecian gourmet puzzle-creator Lego Lambda, blends and bakes up mysterious (and sometimes questionable) toppings and spices (such as alphabet soup, Mobius bacon strips, diced snake eyes, cubed radishes, “hominym” grits, anagraham crackers, rhyme thyme and sage sprinklings.)


Please post your comments below. Feel free also to post clever and subtle hints that do not give the puzzle answers away. Please wait until after 3 p.m. Eastern Time on Wednesdays to post your answers and explain your hints about the puzzles. We serve up at least one fresh puzzle every Friday.

We invite you to make it a habit to “Meet at Joe’s!” If you enjoy our weekly puzzle party, please tell your friends about Joseph Young’s Puzzleria! Thank you.

What powers Santa’s sleigh? Contrivances of convenience; Santa is in the house! Say the elves, “Help yourselves to our shelves!” Squid pro coho

PUZZLERIA! SLICES: OVER (1098 + 76) SERVED  

Welcome to our December 22nd edition of Joseph Young’s Puzzleria! We hope this week to help you have yourself a mystifyingly merry little Christmas. Under our pine puzzle-tree this year we have placed ten “riddle-wrapped-in-mystery-inside-of-enigma” gifts for you to unwrap:


6 ⇩⇩⇩⇩⇩⇩ Riffing-Off Shortz Slices that you ought to be able to “riff” the wrappings off of with convenience.
2 ⇩⇩ Appetizers: One, Donder and Blitzen, the other, “Ponder with wits, son,”
1 ⇩ Slice requiring that you conform comfortably and joyfully, and
1 ⇩ “Mother and Child Communion” Dessert.

As you unwrap your puzzle gifts, remember to toss the ripped-off wrappings and ribbons into a recycling bin. (We guarantee that none of our contents are recycled.) 
And, as ususal, have lots of fa-la-la-la fun.

Appetizer Menu

Ho-Ho-Holiday Appetizer:
What powers Santa’s sleigh?

Just a few days ago, I tried to recall and reconstruct a Christmas verse that I originally penned probably back in the late 1950s when I was about 8 years old or so. It is titled “Santa’s sleigh.” No copies of my original verse, which was only about ten lines long, have survived, but I vaguely recall some of it reading:
“...The bucket seats are very near
To fuzzy dice and rearview mirror
And the stick shift, over here,
And underneath there is a gear...”
Okay, pretty insipid stuff, even for an 8-year-old. And painfully embarrassing for the  “adult me” to read. What’s worse, the rhyme scheme was just a tad monotonous: aaaaaaaaaa! 
But the first two lines (which begin: “Santa’s sleigh from front to rear...”)  are not so bad. Indeed, I am actually somewhat proud of the second line. 
And so, I resolved to rewrite a revised, 2017 version of “Santa’s sleigh,” but keeping its first two lines intact. It appears below. (The rhyme scheme, alas, is now even more monotonous: aaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaa aaaa!) 
My challenge to you Puzzlerians! is to dredge back up from my past the last two words of the second line. The fourth word is an adjective; the fifth is a noun that I believe I coined... unless someone beat me to the punch before I was born.
Can you complete my second line?  

Santa’s sleigh

Santa’s sleigh from front to rear
Is powered by _____ _________.
Its bucket seats are very near
To fuzzy dice and rearview mirror
And reins that Santa needs to steer
His cervine creatures who are dear
To Santa... they’re his landing gear
For rooftop runways. Have no fear,
Your “captain” Santa has no peer
In piloting through snows severe
And shifting winds that may appear
To buffet Santa’s sleigh (“Oh dear!”). 

But whether weather’s harsh or clear
A handy stick shift, over here,
Helps Santa Claus get into gear,
Which is his wont this time of year,
Dispensing joy and Christmas cheer
To each and every hemisphere.

So spend some time to lend an ear...
On silent nights you’re apt to hear,
“My ho-ho-holidays are near,
So Happy Yuletide and New Year!”

Ponderable Pond Appetizer:
Squid pro coho

Name a somewhat controversial topic, in two words, that has lately been in the news. Replace the final six letters of this two-word phrase with an “s.” 
The result, spoken aloud, sounds like what aficionados of fish and amphibians might wade into a pond or lake to do. 
Hint: If you place an “e” somewhere within the six letters you replaced with an “s,” you will form a word for a television genre that tends to be entertaining rather than informative (even though the word misleads you into believing that shows in this genre will be informative).

What is the topic lately in the news? What might fish aficionados wade into a lake or pond to do? 

MENU

“Conformt” And Joy Slice:
Santa is in the house!

Name a part of a house. Its spelling does not conform with what a word in the title of a particular Christmas carol seems to stipulate when it is sung aloud. 
Alter the house part to make it conform with the word in the carol, then spell the result backward to name a house part associated with Santa Claus. 
What are these two house parts? What is the title of the Christmas carol?
Hint: the two house parts are antonyms of sorts.

Riffing Off Shortz And Fogarty Slices:
Contrivances of convenience

Will Shortz’s December 17th NPR Weekend Edition Sunday puzzle, created by Neville Fogarty, reads:
Think of a convenience introduced in the 19th century that is still around today. Its name has two words. Take the first three letters of the first word and the first letter of its second word, in order, to get a convenience introduced in the 21st century that serves a similar purpose. 
Their names are otherwise unrelated. What two conveniences are these?
Puzzleria!’s Riffing Off Shortz And Fogarty Slices read:
ONE: 
Think of an edible sweet treat novelty introduced in the 20th century that is still around today, in two words that consist of its brand name and the type if edible it is. 


Take the first two letters of the first word and the first three letters of its second word, in order, to get a name for a more nutritious and healthful edible that is roughly twice the size of the edible novelty. What are these edibles? 
TWO:
Think of a vehicular convenience that became commercially available in the mid-20th century and which is still around today. Its name has two words. 
Take the first two letters of the first word and the first two letters of its second word, in order, to get a cylindrical support for a roadside sign, fence or lamp that a vehicle’s driver might pass by. 
The vehicular convenience, happily, helps the driver from crashing into such a support. What are this two-word convenience and roadside support?
THREE:
Think of a colorful electric convenience/invention introduced in the 20th century that is still around today. Its name has two words. 
Take the first three letters of the first word and the first letter of its second word and interchange the second and third letters of these four letters to get the name of a “colorful electric” holiday. 
What are this colorful convenience and holiday?
FOUR:
Think of a convenience invented around the turn of the 19th/20th century that is still around today. Its name has two words. Take the first two letters of the first word, in order, and the first two letters, but in reverse order, of its second word to name what this invention often produces when one uses it. What invention is this and what does it produce?
FIVE:
Think of a scientific instrument invented in the early 20th century that is still around today. Its name has two words. Take the first three letters of the first word and the first two letters of its second word, in order, to get the name of a company known for its advertising campaigns. What is this instrument? What company is this?
SIX:
Think of a recreational pastime invented in the 20th century that is still around today. Its name has two words. So does its inventor’s name. 
Take the first two letters of the inventor’s first name and the first two letters of the inventor’s second name and rearrange them to form a word that could be clued by:  
“askew,” “lopsided,” “misaligned,” “cockeyed,” “crooked,” “leaning,” “haywire,”“oblique,” “askance,” “zigzag,” “catawampus” or “crosswise.”  
What is this pastime? Who is its inventor? What is the word clued by all the above words?

Dessert Menu

Mother And Child Communion Dessert:
Say the elves, “Help yourselves to our shelves!”

Joy owns a general store in a rural community, selling everything from soup to nuts to bolts to dry goods to wet vacs to notions to toys for girls and boys. At home, Joy has a girl and boy of her own – Jolie and Jay.
A two-word phrase that described Joy during the days leading up to Thanksgiving Day pertains to her store’s shelves. 
A two-word phrase that describes Joy during the days leading up to Christmas Day pertains to a popular Christmas tradition that Jolie and Jay have been told is performed by Santa’s elves. 
The first words in both phrases have a suffix in common. The second words in both phrases also have a suffix in common. The two suffixed words in one 2-word phrase are the same as the two suffixed words in the other 2-word phrase, but in reverse order. 
Phrase 1: Word 1 + Suffix 1, Word 2 + Suffix 2
Phrase 2: Word 2 + Suffix 1, Word 1 + Suffix 2
All suffixed words begin with the same letter. One word is also a rifle part. The other word, in a somewhat slangy sense, elicits “oohs and ahhs” on the basketball court and is also something with which an ace baseball pitcher is blessed.
Hint (and Extra Credit): The plural form of the two-word phrase that decribes Joy in the days leading up to Christmas Day also describes certain gifts Joy gives to Jolie and Jay. 
The first of these certain gifts that Joy brought home from her store, and placed where Jay would find it Christmas morning, is pictured here. When Jay found it he gave his mother a kiss. 
What are the two two-word phrases that describe Joy on the days leading up to Thanksgiving and Christmans, respectively? Why did Jay give his mother a kiss?  

Every Friday at Joseph Young’s Puzzleria! we publish a new menu of fresh word puzzles, number puzzles, logic puzzles, puzzles of all varieties and flavors. We cater to cravers of scrumptious puzzles!

Our master chef, Grecian gourmet puzzle-creator Lego Lambda, blends and bakes up mysterious (and sometimes questionable) toppings and spices (such as alphabet soup, Mobius bacon strips, diced snake eyes, cubed radishes, “hominym” grits, anagraham crackers, rhyme thyme and sage sprinklings.)


Please post your comments below. Feel free also to post clever and subtle hints that do not give the puzzle answers away. Please wait until after 3 p.m. Eastern Time on Wednesdays to post your answers and explain your hints about the puzzles. We serve up at least one fresh puzzle every Friday.

We invite you to make it a habit to “Meet at Joe’s!” If you enjoy our weekly puzzle party, please tell your friends about Joseph Young’s Puzzleria! Thank you.