Planes, trains and... hay wains; “Glenderella” story ends unhappily; Drawing Goofy districts; One-stop shopping, open for baseness

PUZZLERIA! SLICES: OVER (1098 + 76) SERVED


Welcome to our January 26th edition of Joseph Young’s Puzzleria! 
Our puzzles this week include a TRIO ⇓⇓⇓ of Riffing-Off-Shortz-Slices;
ONE ⇓ “filet-of-insole” Appetizer;
ONE ⇓ “one-stop-shopping” Slice; and
ONE ⇓ “Goofy” Dessert that is just “Ducky.”


So, have a lot of fun. And TGIF: Think Good, It’s Friday. 

Appetizer Menu

Ugly Stepbrother Appetizer:
“Glenderella” story ends unhappily

“If the shoe fits wear it,” they say. “Shoe shopping? It’s a cinch!” Glen, my pal, said. So he walked three miles to his neighborhood strip mall where he bought a pair of gel insole Earth Shoes – ones that were two sizes too small and one inch too short – and limped home!
This paragragh is about feet, but it is also about three other unmentioned body parts, hidden in the sentence, that share a distinction that feet do not share. 
But beware! There are more than three other “red herring” body parts also hidden within the paragraph that do not share the distinction.
What are these three body parts and what distinction do they share?
Hint: Also within the paragraph are hidden (in the same manner in which the body parts are hidden) three verbs which are clues to what it is that makes these three body parts distinctive.

MENU

Product Placement Slice:
One-stop shopping, open for baseness

Name a trio of products (not brand names) that you can often purchase with just one shopping stop. 
Interchange the beginning consonants of two products and alter slightly how you pronounce the beginning of the third, forming what sounds like three verbs for a trio of base and boorish behaviors that may eventually arise after the products are opened. 
What are these products, and what are these verbs?

Riffing Off Shortz And Arnold Slices:
Planes, trains and... hay wains


Will Shortz’s January 21st NPR Weekend Edition Sunday puzzle, created by Tom Arnold, reads:


Take the name of a conveyance in seven letters. Drop the middle letter, and the remaining letters can be rearranged to name the place where such a conveyance is often used. What is it?

Puzzleria!’s Riffing Off Shortz And Arnold Slices read:
ONE:
Take the name of a relatively recent conveyance, a compound word. Its letters can be rearranged to name much more spacious conveyances from the past and what users of such conveyances did while using them. What are these conveyances? What did users of the past conveyances do as they used them?


TWO:
Name a conveyance, in two words. Replace the second word with a word that rhymes with it to form a two-word phrase for what a wrestler experiences during rigorous workouts. 
Rearrange the letters of this new second word to form a two-word phrase describing what a wrestler does during workouts. (This phrase consistes of a noun and verb beginning with an F and T, with the F-word being a synonym for “wrestler.”)
Finally, rearrange the letters of the first word to form a two-word conveyance.
What are the two 2-word conveyances? What are the two 2-word phrases

THREE:
Write captions for the five numbered images (1. through 5.) pictured here in the general vicinity of this text. 
Each caption sounds, more or less, like the name of a conveyance. 
What are these five captions and five conveyances?

Dessert Menu

Gerrymeandering Dessert:
Drawing Goofy districts


(Note: This Dessert is not so much a “puzzle” as it is a “goofy” riddle.)
Pennsylvania is the home of perhaps some of the most egregious examples of modern-day gerrymandering. In particular, the border of state’s Seventh Congressional District “gerrymeanders” in a quite “Goofy” manner... literally! (The silhouette of the district, some say, resembles Disney characters: Goofy kicking Donald Duck in the tail feathers.
(Warning: Fake News Ahead!)
A proposed redrawing, however, of the easternmost congressional district in Oregon State (adding a sixth district to the existing five) may be even more egregious than Pennsylvania’s goofy gerrymandering. The border of the proposed new Oregon Congressional District 6 (in bright crimson, in the map below) seems to outline the shape of a critter long associated with the state.
Oregonians, however, are not using the word “gerrymandering” to describe this new border. They don’t say this new border “gerrymanders” – rather, they say it ____________. 
What is the word Oregon residents have coined that belongs in that blank? Here is a hint: The new word is exactly the same as “gerrymanders” except that three of the twelve letters have changed.


Every Friday at Joseph Young’s Puzzleria! we publish a new menu of fresh word puzzles, number puzzles, logic puzzles, puzzles of all varieties and flavors. We cater to cravers of scrumptious puzzles!

Our master chef, Grecian gourmet puzzle-creator Lego Lambda, blends and bakes up mysterious (and sometimes questionable) toppings and spices (such as alphabet soup, Mobius bacon strips, diced snake eyes, cubed radishes, “hominym” grits, anagraham crackers, rhyme thyme and sage sprinklings.)


Please post your comments below. Feel free also to post clever and subtle hints that do not give the puzzle answers away. Please wait until after 3 p.m. Eastern Time on Wednesdays to post your answers and explain your hints about the puzzles. We serve up at least one fresh puzzle every Friday.

We invite you to make it a habit to “Meet at Joe’s!” If you enjoy our weekly puzzle party, please tell your friends about Joseph Young’s Puzzleria! Thank you.